


Finding you

by azon



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Original Universe, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-01-04 08:41:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18340127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azon/pseuds/azon
Summary: Inspired byRainbowdazzleprompt (edited ) andAny version by RubyIntyale. Thank you both for your interesting brains!!⚜Timmy goes to Austin to present Armie an award. Though it leaves him drained, because he knows deep down that he’s fallen deeply in love with the older (and married) man. Armie has a wife and kids and a career and Timmy is just a kid...hey maybe in some parallel universe they are together at least. The next morning Timmy realizes things are..off. He’s still in Austin. Still in his hotel room, but the tissues piled by the bed as he cried himself to sleep are gone, and the side of the bed next to him is still warm and is that the shower running? When Armie emerges from the bathroom, dripping wet and calling him honey, he knows something is very very different.⚜For clarification: In this world Armie is a regular man, but in love with "Timmy" the same. Also, NEITHER attempted suicide.





	1. He didn't love me, he never would

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChunkMonk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChunkMonk/gifts), [RubyIntyale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyIntyale/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Rainbowdazzle](http://www.rainbowdazzle.tumblr.com) prompt (edited ) and [Any version by RubyIntyale](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013772/chapters/38662115). Thank you both for your interesting brains!!  
> ⚜  
> Timmy goes to Austin to present Armie an award. Though it leaves him drained, because he knows deep down that he’s fallen deeply in love with the older (and married) man. Armie has a wife and kids and a career and Timmy is just a kid...hey maybe in some parallel universe they are together at least. The next morning Timmy realizes things are..off. He’s still in Austin. Still in his hotel room, but the tissues piled by the bed as he cried himself to sleep are gone, and the side of the bed next to him is still warm and is that the shower running? When Armie emerges from the bathroom, dripping wet and calling him honey, he knows something is very very different.  
> ⚜  
> For clarification: In this world Armie is a regular man, but in love with "Timmy" the same. Also, NEITHER attempted suicide.

Armie

 

He didnt love me, he never would. He never would and I couldn't, I just couldn't. But then in my dreams, in my dreams he was there, and he loved me. He loved me. I tried everything to stay in my dreams forever and every time I woke up it just hit me even harder and I just couldn't. I couldn't anymore. So I thought, I had been a good man, I treated people with kindness and I never did anyone wrong on purpose… I was a blood and organ donor, I helped people improve their lives for a living, I recycled, I rode a bike instead of using public transportation… how bad could it be? would I be punished? would I be condemned to an eternity of suffering?

 

I was desperate, beyond desperate. I heard about it from one of my clients, he said he had used one once but stopped after he didn’t like what he saw. He said there was no way to know where you would end up or who would end up with here, but sometimes he got repeats… that was my hope, to get him to repeat here. If he ended up here once, he could end up here twice, right? I could bring him back. It was my last hope, I saw the opportunity and I took it.

 

There are some sacrifices though, you open a door. You have to give in order to take but I was desperate, I was desperate and I didn’t care. Once, I was stuck for 9 months in one particular hellish place. So cold, dark and deprived of love. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was I couldn’t try again. I couldn’t try again until I came back, or at least was sent to a better place. I couldn't risk him in that place… it was where nightmares come from… 9 months unable to even try, 9 months without seeing his face. I was driving myself mad.

  


It's been 17 times this year, 25 since everything started. He should definitely stop trying and come to terms with the fact that Timmy is never coming back.

  


*****************************************

 

Armie woke up that morning and went through Protocol. He checked the device was still under his pillow before opening his eyes, then slowly sat up and opened them, looked around the room and up to the ceiling, got up and went to the window, opened it and whistle. There was echo so he went for a cup of coffee. Hadn’t there been an echo he would have stabbed himself in his left arm… it was never pleasant the few times he had had to do it but wounds and scars were always gone when he came back. He fed his cat while the coffee brewed and once it was done and he had the first sip, he smiled and put the mug down. Only once had the coffee been wrong. He walked to the shower and started it. The dream last night was different; not bad, but different. He was going to have to get an appointment to get it checked; it wasn’t common but it had happened to a few so he wanted to be sure.

 

Once out of the shower, he reached for his shaving cream and saw it. It had been left by the last one. He took the bottle in his hands and smiled; he was wearing perfume today.  He wasn’t him but he was close, the closest any of them had ever been. They were together for 12 days and it was the happiest he had been since he had lost him. But he wanted to go back. He missed home and his life there, so he helped him get his own device and wished him luck. He may have made it back because his lover had one himself and with the right calibration, they attract each other.

  
  


Timmy

 

When the dream started fading and he became more aware of his surroundings, he groaned. Last night was brutal. He drank too much, he cried too much, he felt too much and he kept his feeling to himself too much. He knew what he was getting himself into, it was all his own damn fault, no one to blame but himself. Somehow it didn't ease the pain though.

 

Armie was married, happily may he add. So happy there was baby number 3 talking….oh yeah, he fake congratulated them too much. Crema was a million years away and so was whatever he thought Armie and he created, experienced, enjoyed, and let go. There was no use, Armie didn't love him, he never would. He never would and he couldn't, he just couldn't. But then in his dreams, in his dreams he was there, and he loved him. He loved him. He tried everything to stay in his dreams forever and every time he woke up it just hit him even harder and he just couldn't. He couldn't anymore.

 

Which is why he drank himself unconscious the night before. Did he leave the Do Not Disturb sign on the door last night? He certainly didn't want the maids to enter  and find him in bed surrounded by empty bottles of whatever was in the minibar and tissues scattered all over his bed and floor around it. So many tissues, one for every tear he shed.

 

The speech was his last resort, he truly believed he could make him come back to him, he could have him back in his arms like those nights in Italy that started as rehearsals and ended up with one of them staring for too long and playing it cool when caught with a wrestling/tickling session. But when Armie patted him in the back like bros instead of going for his default hug, he knew everything was make believe. Elizabeth's half-hearted side hug and “we are so proud of you” didn't help either. Proud? of what? his pathetic attempt to tell Armie he loved him in front of everyone? his contorted “I'm not gonna cry’ face? the tiny pieces in which his heart broke in front of them?

 

He finally opened his eyes and stretched. Wait, what? How did I get here? this is not my hotel room. The outside noise hit him like a ton of bricks. This wasn't Austin.

 

*****************************”

 

*Timmy?” Armie asked as he approached him, towel on his hips and drops of water falling from his hair and landing on his shoulders and chest. An indecipherable look on his face. “Honey, is it you?”

 

“Armie? what….what am I doing here? what are _you_ …” He was silenced by Armie's crushing hug. He had forgotten how good his arms and naked chest felt. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Was Armie wearing his perfume?

 

“ You are back” He could hear Armie smiling, it felt warm and fuzzy in his belly and he smiled and hugged him back, burying his nose on his neck and breathing in again. But he couldn't do this, no matter how much he wanted. “Armie, how did I get here from Austin?”. He immediately felt Armie tense up8 and the warmth of his chest left him. “Armie, what are we doing in New York?... what are you doing in my apartment?

 

Armie looked at him intently. He grabbed his face on his hands and squeezed “you are not…” his eyes all empty and his face unreadable. He caressed his face with his thumbs paying extra attention to the sides of his mouth. He smiled sadly and sighed:

“Which one are you?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you like my take on this amazing prompt by [Rainbowdazzle on Tumblr](http://www.rainbowdazzle.tumblr.com), thank you for reading!
> 
> The place" where nightmares come from" that Armie refers to is the world created by zdzislaw-beksinski, a polish artist who would paint his dreams. You can check his work [here](https://www.demilked.com/polish-artist-paintings-nightmares-zdzislaw-beksinski/) and the specific pictures that inspired the world where Armie was stuck are: [1](https://www.demilked.com/magazine/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/polish-artist-paintings-nightmares-zdzislaw-beksinski-4.jpg), [2](https://www.demilked.com/magazine/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/polish-artist-paintings-nightmares-zdzislaw-beksinski-2-605x877.jpg), [3](https://www.demilked.com/magazine/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/polish-artist-paintings-nightmares-zdzislaw-beksinski-1-605x538.jpg), [4](https://www.demilked.com/magazine/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/polish-artist-paintings-nightmares-zdzislaw-beksinski-27-605x761.jpg), [5](https://www.demilked.com/magazine/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/polish-artist-paintings-nightmares-zdzislaw-beksinski-16.jpg) (Kinda disturbing, please do not click if nightmare imagery triggers you).  
> 2 other stories are being written on this very prompt. Check them out, they are both ridiculously amazing: 
> 
>  
> 
> [The Parallel Life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18126134/chapters/42855239)  
> [Our Star Life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18045446/chapters/42645611)
> 
>    
> Please feel free to tell me what you think, the good, the bad and the ugly!
> 
> ENJOY


	2. You smell like him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay but I will update regularly now. I added some things to ch1, I recommend to check it again!
> 
>  Inspired by [Rainbowdazzle](http://www.rainbowdazzle.tumblr.com) prompt (edited ) and [Any version by RubyIntyale](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013772/chapters/38662115). Thank you both for your interesting brains!!  
> ⚜  
> Timmy goes to Austin to present Armie an award. Though it leaves him drained, because he knows deep down that he’s fallen deeply in love with the older (and married) man. Armie has a wife and kids and a career and Timmy is just a kid...hey maybe in some parallel universe they are together at least. The next morning Timmy realizes things are..off. He’s still in Austin. Still in his hotel room, but the tissues piled by the bed as he cried himself to sleep are gone, and the side of the bed next to him is still warm and is that the shower running? When Armie emerges from the bathroom, dripping wet and calling him honey, he knows something is very very different.  
> ⚜  
> For clarification: In this world Armie is a regular man, but in love with "Timmy" the same. Also, NEITHER attempted to commit suicide.

_“What? Armie, what are you talking about?_  
_“Which.one.are.you”?_  
_“I’m Timmy!!”_  
_“BUT WHICH ONE!!!!!”_

_____ _

It’s been an hour since Timmy woke up in his apartment in New York with Armie calling him _honey_. 60 minutes of Armie walking back and forth in his tiny glorified studio apartment. 60 minutes of watching him gasping for air and throwing him glares every time he tried to speak. 60 minutes of Timmy’s eyes moving down Armie’s body and stealing looks. 

Armie hasn’t explained much, he just screamed at him and has been freaking out since then. Timmy knows he’s got to ask but he doesn’t know where to start. He had never seen Armie like this and although he knows he would never hurt him, he would be a liar if he says he is not afraid of the 6.5’ muscular angry human in front of him.

He focuses in last night. Tries to retrace his steps. He remembers collapsing in his hotel bed, in Austin. he remember the wetness against the side of his face from the tears soaking his pillow. He remembers the glass bottles from the mini bar falling all over the floor when he adjusted on his bed. He remembers the warmth of Armie’s voice when he said goodbye and Elizabeth grabbing his arm and tugging impatiently, she didn't really say goodbye to him. He remembers his heart sinking to his feet and the fake smile he had mastered to sport after so many times. Nothing makes sense, how the heel did he make it to NYC? and with Armie?

_“I don’t know!! I’m me!!! what do you mean which one! I’m Timmy, Tim, Timothee, Timo, Lil Timmy Tim…. I’m me! you are looking at me, you’ve known me for 2 years, you know who I am"_  
_"They are all different people"_  
_"What?"_  
_"Timmy…… I don’t have the energy for games"_  
_"Games? Armie, we were in Austin last night for your award and now I wake up in my bed in my apartment in New York and you are coming out of my shower wearing my perfume and you talking about games?_  
_"Oh my god… you are a new one"_  
_"What? new one? what are you talking about?_  
_"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!"_  


Timmy is growing more and more impatient and knows he needs to say something but this guy is burning a hole in his carpet and the fact he can hear his heart beating and his blood pumping is not helping. He feels if he speaks, he will just unleash the beast. This guy looks like Armie and feels like Armie, even smell like him under his perfume but is he? Armie would never scream at him like this guy did, and certainly would never call him honey...

Timmy takes a final deep breath and locks eyes with Armie, he tries to break contact but Timmy is persistent and he seems to sense his scene is over.

__"Armie… please come sit with me"_ _

__Strangely, Armie immediately stop on his tracks and does as told. The dip on the mattress made Timmy’s heart jump, they were so close, their knees were touching, Armie’s heartbeat was deafening at such a close distance. He grabbed his hands and intertwined their fingers. Armie let him and sighed heavily._ _

__"Im sorry, I just havent had a new one in a while, and the last one was... - a big smile fills his face and reaches his eyes - he was... I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m failing the protocol, I should start from the beginning…"_ _

__"Armie…. Armie, look at me…" - Timmy cuts him off_ _

__Armie’s eyes leave the floor where they've been glued to this whole time and he looks up but he doesnt meet Timmy’s eyes_ _

__"Armie...what am I to you? What are we to each other?" Timmy doesnt understand the question himself but he understands that whoever this Armie thinks he is, he means a great deal to him._ _

__"You mean you or him…." - Armie asks tentatively_ _

__"I mean...me… or whoever you think I am"_ _

__Armie swallows loudly and finally meets his eyes, he looks at him for a long moment and then disentangles his hands from Timmy's and cups his face. He smiles again but unlike his previous smile, this one is the smile of a heartbroken man, desperate to put the pieces of his shattered heart together again. His eyes get more watered with every word._ _

__"You are my lover, my partner, my brother, my best friend, my father and my son... you are me and I am you...and I've missed you...so much…_ _

__

____

⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜

 

Elizabeth woke up to Armie whispering by the window, he was smoking and the window was closed which meant the entire bedroom reeked of marijuana which she hated, and he knew. _Is this about last night? she thinks… is this because she pulled them away and forced him to pose for those pictures on the way out of the party? ___

__"What are you doing? You will give me a headache" She lashes out and covers her head with a discarded pillow_ _

__Armie startles and looks at her, his eyes tired and numb. He puffs again_ _

__"Why Elizabeth, I just wanna know why?"_ _

__She sighs and sits up, here they go again_ _

__"Seriously Armie, why? You honestly think I will allow you to make a fool of me? To humiliate me like that? Open the damn window and go back to your room"_ _

__Armie sighs loudly and finishes his joint, finally opening the window and throwing the butt out but closing it back up again_ _

__"You know "- It is almost a whisper and more to himself than his wife_ _

__"I do, so?" - she replies defiantly_ _

__"So, why?" - his voice starting to break_ _

__"Armie, you are running in circles, I don't have time for this. I'm going back to sleep"_ _

__"I just want to know why you won’t let me be happy" - His voice finally breaks, Elizabeth snickers, his heart breaks in even tinier little pieces_ _

__"Happy? Happy?? Shouldn't that be your family’s job? To make you happy?"_ _

__"Elizabeth please" - His breathing becomes difficult and his eyes start filling with tears_ _

__"Do you seriously want your children to grow up without a father? To have 2 houses and 2 Christmases? To be made fun of for who their father is?" - There is despise in her voice, Armie cannot look at her anymore._ _

__"You mean a good man who loves them and wish the best for them?"_ _

__"I mean a man who left them for a boy who cannot even grow a beard and humiliated their mother and ruin their future"_ _

__"Don't do this, please don't do this..." Tears start falling and he wipes them away with the back of his hands_ _

__"Do what...speak the truth?"_ _

__"I love him, Elizabeth" - he finally looks back at her, pleading. His eyes red from the smoking and the crying. Elizabeth is taken aback and for a moment doesn't know what to say. Armie thinks he can revert this, but then she hit him. Hard._ _

__"More than you love your children?_ _

__"That's not fair, don't you dare" - Pain gives place to anger, he clenches his fists and is about to close the distance between them when she closes her arms and glares at him_ _

__"You know where I stand. You leave, you lose them... and I take it all. Your choice._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that ending was something, don't hate me, I just needed to establish some interdimensional drama :)
> 
> Thank you for reading and please comment!


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